Zizzi

Hongwei Bao

Ever since I met Josh, Zizzi has been on my mind.

“Sorry for the mess.” Josh opened the door and waved me in. The one-room bedsit had high ceilings and big windows. Small but cozy. For a single man’s den, the flat was surprisingly tidy.

Josh was an artist. Brown, curly hair and hazel eyes. We’d both swiped right on Grindr, exchanged mobile numbers, then met up at the Vic for a proper first date. After a couple pints, Josh suggested we retire to his flat. I was slightly reluctant at first. I’d anticipated the invitation to come much later, perhaps after a couple of meetings. But Josh seemed like a nice guy, and I didn’t want to miss this opportunity. I nodded.

He smiled, revealing neatly aligned teeth.

I sat down on the two-seater opposite a bookcase. Large art books with colorful pictures adorned the shelves. The sofa seemed disproportionally large for the small flat.

“You might want to take off your jacket,” Josh said, “if you don’t want it to get covered with hair.”

“Hair?”

“Did I tell you I’ve got a cat? I hope you’re not allergic.”

I shook my head. Josh continued: “His name’s Zizzi. You’ll probably never meet him, though. He’s a shy boy.”

I looked around. Not a feline in sight.

I removed my black woolen jacket and handed it to Josh. I still wasn’t sure of my decision to come to a stranger’s flat on a first date. For a single gay man living in a small town, online is the only way to meet potential dates. But given the dangers involved, it’s hard to trust these strangers. I recently read about a Grindr murderer who drugged all his dates before killing them. True story—it gave me goosebumps. I’d been on the bus, scrolling through the news on my phone. Had to look around, in case anyone nearby seemed suspicious. It took a long time to chase the thoughts from my mind.

The room was freezing.

Josh hung my coat on the rack beside the door and fiddled with the electric heater.

“The landlord says this is a listed building, and that they’re not allowed to install double-glazed windows and gas central heating. It’s a lame excuse to save money, really.”

I shrugged. “They can get away with murder.”

I fixed my eyes on the heater. Found the warm, orange glow it emitted mesmerizing. My hands were ice cold, fingers stiff, body tense.

I noticed some framed butterfly specimens hanging on the wall. Pinned as they were, they seemed quite vulnerable. “Do you like butterflies?”

“Yes. I find them pretty.”

“They remind me of The Silence of the Lambs.” I immediately regretted saying this.

“Are you suggesting I’m a serial killer?”

“Sorry,” I blushed, swallowed. “I didn’t mean it.”

He chuckled. “Well, let me show you how I kill men.”

Josh sat down and put his arm around my neck. His stubbled face brushed my cold cheeks. His breath whiskey-bitter. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth to let his wet tongue slide in.

The flat had warmed and we were naked in bed, panting and sweating.

“Can I take a shower?”

“Of course. But watch out for the cat litter.” I moved slowly in the dark, feeling the way with my feet. The door knob stuck, rattled in my hands. “It’s a bit late,” he said, quietly. “You can stay tonight if you like.”

It was a tempting invitation. I hesitated for a few seconds, then nodded. In the bathroom, I fumbled for the light switch. Found the chain and pulled. There, on the tiled floor beneath the wash basin, was a blue tray filled with white crystals.

The shower was nearly scalding. I stood in the tub and shivered. The water turned my flesh red before swirling down the drain at my feet. The shower curtain was opaque. Anything could’ve been happening on the other side. I stared at the eddy a long time.

Out and dry, I climbed back into bed. “I believe you. Zizzi exists!”

“Of course he does! When will you start trusting me?”

“It’s our first time, you know.” I tried to hide my embarrassment. “Why doesn’t he come out?”

“He was a stray. I found him near the refuse room and brought him home. He always hides from visitors. He must’ve experienced something traumatic.” Josh scrunched his pillow and rolled over to face me. “I’m the only person he trusts.”

“Do you have many visitors?”

“I’ve got a few friends.” His hand smoothed the wrinkles in the comforter. “Since breaking up with my ex, I’ve had some dates.”

So, I was only one of Josh’s dates. The idea of him seeing other men made me jealous, though I had no right to expect otherwise.

He pulled me close to spoon. His body was smooth, his breath soothing, and I fell quickly asleep.

In the middle of the night, I awakened to movement. Something was touching my face. Warm.Fluffy. Prickly, even. My thoughts ran to The Silence of the Lambs. Chills shot down my spine.

I forced my eyes open. The light coming through the half-drawn curtain revealed a small, black creature with one paw on my pillow.

Hello Zizzi, I thought.

Zizzi inspected my face and I returned his gaze. His green eyes glistened, curious.

I relaxed my lips into a smile, as if to reassure that I meant no harm. The trick worked. Slowly, Zizzi stretched his legs and lay his head down. I felt the fur on his stomach, rubbed it gently. The room filled with a continuous purring.

On the other side of the bed, Josh slept unaware. His face was calm. He had long eyelashes.

From behind their glass panes, the butterflies beamed.

© Variant Literature Inc 2023